Games In Dementia Part #2 – An Interview With Our Founder Emily

In our previous post about games in Dementia “IT’S ALL FUN & GAMES“ we spoke about how games can be very effective for our brain and how they can improve our memory as well as help people with Dementia to concentrate and have a good time playing with their loved ones.

Our founder of the Dementia Café, Emily, had decided to try and play two of the mind games ‘Dominoes’ and ‘Snakes and Ladders’ with her mother who lives with Dementia. We interviewed Emily and asked her about her thoughts and her mother’s experience whilst playing the games.

Count Moments Not Things

Which games did you choose for your mother and why?

I chose Snakes and Ladders, an old favourite and Dominoes. I thought these would be simple enough as not to cause frustration for my Mother, as she has Alzheimer’s Disease. The intention was also to play with two players, so that she would not become isolated throughout the game with many people talking and interrupting. In dementia, team conversations and group games can be confusing.

Dominoes & Snakes and Ladders

What was your mother’s reaction when you told her about the games?

She was excited at first by the games. I think she liked the brightly coloured boxes. I chose traditional sets to remind of her childhood. The pieces were wooden and the Dominos came in a wooden box. This seemed to work as she started to tell me about her father and how he had a domino set when she was a child.

How did she react during the game, did the games have positive impact on her?

She liked the Dominoes however she was confused by the fact that there were numbers both sides. She seemed to see the dots on both sides at once and was a bit confused about how we matched just one side to the domino that preceded it. What I did later was stack them in a line and she knocked them over, which she thought was hugely funny. It is less about the game and more about the interaction you have with your loved one and how activities start people off talking because it can trigger a memory. We all like to share stories about our life. I think next time anyone is in a conversation, they should try to count how many times they recall and share a memory. Most chat consists of people sharing knowledge.  Imagine if you couldn’t do that. Or you felt you couldn’t. You wouldn’t be able to join in with conversations. That’s how many with dementia feel.

Dominoes Game

How do you think it made your mother feel, and in what way?

She liked Snakes and Ladders and knew that she could move up the ladder. We counted the steps together. She had difficulty throwing the dice, so we put it in a cup and she tipped it out to make it roll.

She was lucky and didn’t land on one snake! It’s a simple process but it’s about me stepping into her world, not expecting her to step into mine. If nothing else, she’s teaching me patience. We did have two dice on the Snakes and Ladders board which confused my Mother, so we removed one.

Snakes & Ladders

For how long did you play?

We played a couple of rounds of Dominoes and then Snakes and Ladders and we chatted and had a cup of tea. It might have been half an hour or an hour. We weren’t watching the time. It doesn’t take long to show someone you care and spending time with someone is the best way you can ever do that.

Would you suggest to other people who live with Dementia and their loved ones to also play games and why?

I would promote any game but I would say air on the side of caution. A complex game can confuse someone with dementia and if others become even slightly frustrated, a person with dementia will sense and hear that in your voice. That’s then not fun. Keep it simple. Computer games would require too much dexterity.

We had pieces fall over and the board was knocked a few times but who cares. It’s Snakes and Ladders. Counting. Sharing stories. If it makes my Mother smile, it’s worth it. A positive mind will always encourage a healthy state generally. I know when I’ve had a good day and when I haven’t. Mum might not be able to tell you what she did that day and whether it was good but she will feel positive and that is what’s important. I want my Mother to feel happy every day.

Dominoes Game

In conclusion, what are your thoughts about games for people with Dementia?

Let those you love decide whether they want to participate. Oftentimes I ask my Mother if she’d like to sit with me, having driven 80 miles to see her and the answer is no. I respect that decision. If she’s watching TV or filling out a crossword, I let her do that. I make every decision in a day for myself. My Mother can make very few for herself. She can’t choose when to go out or what time to eat. Independence is important.

I enjoyed playing games with my Mother even though dominoes didn’t ‘go to plan’ and even though Snakes and Ladders was more about pieces falling off the board and old stories being exchanged. We drank tea and we laughed. That’s all we aim for at the Dementia Cafe. If a game brings that about, so be it. It has to be better than sitting in a corner alone and miserable drinking a cup of tea, with no conversation. I would say, don’t focus too much on the game unless the individual wants to. Focus on the involvement. Let the person choose a colour counter, let them share their story. Ask them: Is this your favourite colour? Have you ever played Snakes and Ladders? If they say no and you know they have, don’t correct them, let it be. Correcting someone who won’t retain the information only makes them feel stupid. That’s not the aim.

Thank you very much for the interview Emily and for sharing with us your experience you had playing the mind games with your beloved mother.