Following my interview with TLS magazine interview in last month’s issue. I am now writing a regular column on behalf of the Dementia Cafe.
This week we are focusing on some personal experiences of people living with dementia, Joan and Tony Stapley (my parents).
-Interview by: Emily-Jane Stapley (Founder of the Dementia Cafe)
Joan and Tony currently attend a dementia cafe in Clacton they take a taxi there and back once a week. This is run by the Alzheimer’s Society at the Baptist Church. Joan has Alzheimer’s Disease.
Photo Credit: Tony and Joan on their wedding day in 1979.
An Interview With Tony:
Tony currently attends a dementia cafe in Clacton with his wife Joan (who has Alzheimer’s Disease) they take a taxi there and back once a week. This is run by the Alzheimer’s Society at the Baptist Church in Clacton.
Hi Tony, what is a dementia cafe and what does it mean to you?
For me its a free social outing for two hours a week. It’s a chance to converse with people who are going through the same thing as I am (my wife has Alzheimer’s). It’s a very relaxed and informal atmosphere. You don’t have to wear a tie, you’re not judged, if you want two cups of tea – you can have two cups of tea! We go as ourselves and we are able to be ourselves.
When you arrive at the cafe what happens?
There is always someone to greet you immediately. We have name badges, so we collect these at the entrance. I thought this odd at first but it’s great. It’s an icebreaker. I’m happy to wear my badge now. You get to know people. We are all on first name terms. We like it.
You don’t feel like you’re walking in alone. The first thing you’re asked is: would you like tea, coffee or juice. People we have met at the cafe usually gesture to us to sit with them, we go over and join them and sit down. We always have tea, which is then shortly brought to you. There’s a plate of biscuits on the table.
A classic day is, after you have sat down, if you don’t know the person’s name you can see their name badge and you can start chatting by asking “Do you travel far Brian?” And friendships are formed.
Where do other attendees to the cafe come from?
All over. Clacton, Weeley, we’ve met people from Thorpe-Le-Soken, Walton and Frinton. Some people came from Jaywick and Holland too.
I would like to add that…
We don’t often talk about dementia at all in the cafe. I would like to let people know this. I don’t have dementia and I thoroughly enjoy it. We just talk about everyday life, what we watched on TV yesterday or how bad the traffic is. We don’t focus on dementia or who there has dementia and who doesn’t. We talk about hobbies, where we worked, last week we chatted about North Yorkshire. There’s a great deal of friendly banter! We have a laugh every week.
An Interview With Joan:
Hi Joan, what is a dementia cafe and what does it mean to you?
A dementia cafe? – One where I’d go! A place where people go when they can’t remember things. I seem to get on alright there. I have a tea when I go. Sometimes I have biscuits. It’s a place to go to meet other people.
When you arrive at the cafe what happens?
They say “Hello Joan”, they know my name. They ask: “How are you” and they say “I’ll take your coat.” I just feel normal there. I do really like it. All of it is good. I like going there.
What’s the atmosphere of the cafe?
It’s very relaxed and friendly. I like it. People call me over so I go and join them. Some people look like they don’t know where they are but I say hello to them and then they say hello and then you can talk to them. They talk back to me. I think sometimes people are just nervous, so they like you to say something to them first. It’s the highlight of my week! I can go out!
Feel free to contact the Dementia Cafe:
Email: dementiacafe@gmail.com
Website: www.dementiacafe.co.uk
Facebook: www.facebook.com/dementiacafe
Twitter: www.twitter.com/cafe_dementia
Instagram: www.instagram.com/dementiacafe
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